Heavy Metal Solitude

Music

It has been a long time since I have written in a blog. For three separate stretches in my life I have maintained a blog. But I have always written infrequently, and each blog never reached over 20 or so posts. Which I have always thought was rather sad, because words are the only way I have ever really expressed my self and identity with any sense of completeness.

I guess part of the reason is that I am so incredibly introverted. The desire to share myself draws a strong contrast with the requirement of being close to someone. I do not really want to share myself with anyone - only special people in my life. And even more truly, I have only ever wanted to share myself with one special person.

And that has been my only motivation to express myself through writing since the dawn of my first pieces. I have tried to record my essence in words at different stages of my life to preserve what I was like as a person, so I could share my past with my future companion. And though I have only written so very little, there are some very beautiful things living in the words of my former selves.

Even if I have not had a chance to really share them with many others, it means a lot to me to have a portal to view my previous self at differing points in time. I have changed quite a bit in a relatively short amount of time. I guess it helps that I have generally always liked myself - I have tried my very best to always be true to how I want to be throughout my life, and it has paid off well.

Taking it all into account, I believe this blog is also doomed to fade away. I have even less time than I have had at previous periods in my life, and there are so many different worthwhile things competing for my time and attention. But with a little bit of will and a decent amount of luck, I shall be able to continue placing tiny pieces of myself onto these digital pages.

I will never be a painter, so I must do my best to take the beauty in my life and express it in the way most true to me.

If anyone ever reads this, I thank you for taking the time and a few moments of your life to take a glimpse at some part of me. Maybe even one day after I am gone?